24 Secrets Catholics Won't Tell You (2024)

1. The Eucharist? It actually tastes like cardboard. 2. And nobody gets tipsy off of the Blood of Christ. 3. If you're smart, you'll cheat while kneeling. Only God will know... 4. Choosing what to give up for Lent is always a BIG decision... 5. ...And it's also an opportunity to brag for 40 days and nights about what a great Catholic you are. 6. And along the way, you probably ate your fair share of grilled cheese, pizza, and fish on Fridays. 7. Your dream school was never Harvard or Princeton, but Notre Dame, Georgetown, or BC. 8. Mass on Holy Days of Obligation is actually a test on your ability to stay awake for nearly two hours. 9. Arriving to Mass late might be embarrassing, and you had to stand in the back, but you are always the first to leave. 10. Unless you are in the choir, the best way to get through the hymns is to mouth along to the lyrics. 11. Being an altar boy or girl wasn't really an option, it was a REQUIREMENT. 12. Your family is of course pretty darn big. Like, sometimes you have trouble remembering all your cousins' names. 13. Let's be honest, you never go to confession as often as you should. 14. You definitely remember secretly opening some of these ahead of time during Advent. 15. And when you were a kid, you didn't exactly get the reason behind lighting one pink and three purple candles, but you DID get excited because it meant you were that much closer to Christmas. 16. As a Catholic, you constantly have to talk about the "true meaning" of Christmas. 17. But deep down, you still get REALLY excited about opening presents and decorating the tree. 18. Sunday School/CCD wasn’t just where you learned about the church and studied the Bible; it was also where fun went to die. 19. You've totally, unironically actually thought about what Jesus would do in a situation you were in. 20. You spent Palm Sunday Mass trying to find someone who can turn your palm into a cross. 21. You put up with wearing the most uncomfortable outfits for Christmas and Easter, but only because you knew you would get presents in the end. 22. And you would never say it, but you secretly kind of miss your Catholic school uniform. 23. You think Pope Francis isn't just the leader of the church, but a total rock star. 24. And nuns are actually the biggest badasses in the world. They keep it REAL. ROCK ON, CATHOLICS.